On My Own
by pucchi lapin 212
Summary: Ryan is in love with Troy, but he keeps his love a secret. However, after being saved by Troy, Ryan begins to realize things aren't as bas as they seem. Tryan! Begins as a song fic but the rest is regular!
1. Prologue

_A/N::: Before I begin this story I have something very, very important to say. I would really like to thank two people. Number 1, Courty-Court! Thank you so much for being my very first reviewer… ever. After reading your review I just wanted to smile forever and ever. And secondly I'd like to thank born-to-be-a-shocker. It was his story, Oh Please, that inspired me to write this fanfic, and then when he reviewed my fic saying he liked it… I don't even think I can express how happy that made me. I wanted to cry, but not because I was sad, but because I was filled with a wonderful happiness that I have only felt once before. So thank you so much, because of your reviews, I just want to smile until my very last days! And so I dedicate this fic to you!_

_A/N #2::: I'm sorry, but I felt that I should say something about the story itself! Please forgive my ramblings. blushes and bows The story can be read as a one-shot (the beginning anyway) but I will continue it as an on-going fic. The intro is a song fic, but the rest will be just a regular story. This chapter is meant to be a sort of prequel of sorts. (I'm not sure if prequel is the correct word though… please forgive me!)_

_ Also, I'm sure some of you are wondering why this story was posted and then deleted three times, so I'm going to take a quick second to explain. The first time was because after posting it, I realized I forgot to edit and there was a lot I wanted to change. The second time was when I realized I wrote one shot in the intro, but this isn't a one shot! And the third time was when I realized I posted at 11:00... on a Saturday. I realized no one reads fanfic at 11 on a Saturday (except me who is sick at the moment) so... I decided to repost at a time when more people read. So please forgive me again!!!!!_

**:::♥And so I give to you… On My Own♥::: **

**And now I'm all alone again**

Ryan hated it. He absolutely hated it. He was always alone- he had no one. He had no friends, just people who hung around him because Sharpay was there. They didn't care about him, much less notice him half the time. Even if he were to talk to them, they'd just ignore him, as if he were some fly that'd go away if you swatted at it. Sharpay was their goddess and all he was to them was another worshiper who had no significance to them or anyone else at all.

_ Sharpay. _She didn't care about him, not really. Her heart was cold and she was vain, the only one she'd ever care about was herself. The pain she could cause, the lives she had ruined... don't think for one second she was oblivious to it. She knew quite well what she had done; it just didn't matter. Her happiness was most important, and if someone where to get in the way of that happiness, she would destroy them, without a single after thought.

And their parents, their parents worshiped at Sharpay's feet, just like all of her friends did. Ryan didn't mean anything to them, just an extra child that happened to pop out when she was born. For all they cared, he was just another one of the house servants who happened to eat dinner with them and go places with them. As long as he went unnoticed, they didn't care what he did. He could have become a twenty dollar man whore, and they'd pat him on the head and say "good job" and then go back to what they were doing, completely forgetting they even had a son

**Nowhere to turn, no one to go to  
without a home, without a friend  
without a face to say hello to**

For as long as he could possibly remember, he had kept everything locked away in his heart. Any pain he felt, he kept it hidden because he had no one to share it with. Whenever he felt sad, he was forced to keep it to himself because no one cared. No one would ever care. He was just Sharpay's shadow and he meant nothing- not to anyone.

**But now the night is near  
And I can make-believe he's here**

All he had was his fantasy, a little dream of his that he hoped would one day come true. It wasn't the kind of fantasy that most teenagers had- a new car or getting into a good college. He didn't care about those kinds of things. It wasn't anything silly either like becoming the richest man in the world or being on the cover of every major magazine in the world at once; he didn't care about those kinds of things either. Pretending that _that person_ was beside him with the hope that this small dream would one day come- that was what he really wanted... more than anything in the world.

**Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping**

No one ever knew... no one ever really cared to know, but in the dead of the night, Ryan would leave the house, and go for long walks. Even the street lights would be shut off, and he had only the moonlight to guide him to wherever he was going. The only problem was, he didn't know where that was. He had no destination, no place to finish after he had begun. Ryan desperately wanted that place to be _his _home, that he could just run away and fling himself into _his _arms and everything would be okay.  
**  
I think of him and then I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head**

But he knew that that would never happen. _His _house would never be a place for him to go. Even so, imagining _he _was here with him, walking side by side, sometimes hand in hand- that was good enough. During those late night walks, even just the thought of _his _smiling face was good enough.

**On my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone  
I walk with him 'til morning**

Sometimes… no… almost always… he'd spend hours walking. He'd walk through the empty streets without anyone to disturb him. And he would imagine the two of them laughing, sometimes at everything and other times at nothing; maybe at a stupid joke one of them had told that really meant nothing. Ryan could picture his smile, full of joy, or his blushing face when Ryan smiled back.

**Without him, I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me**

And when Ryan would get cold, and shiver in the winter breeze, he'd picture_ him _putting an arm around him and pulling Ryan closer until their bodies were touching, causing Ryan to turn a scarlet color. When he'd get lost from wondering aimlessly in his dream and ended up in a place that he didn't know, he'd close his eyes and there _he _was waiting to lead him back home again.  
**  
In the rain  
The pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight**

Just the thought of _him _being along side of him made everything seem beautiful. The pavement that had faded from its original color shone with a silver luster in the moonlight. The moonlight- its reflection blurred in the clear waters of the river that Ryan frequently walked along side of. Little specks of stars shone through the leaves of the trees, leaving spots in the shadows they created on the ground.

**And all I see is him and me forever and forever**

And it was times like these that made Ryan feel like they'd be together. Maybe not now, but sometime in the future, they'd be together. And it would be then that Ryan knew he'd get the happiness he deserved. Their love would last until their final moments on this earth and then carry on into the after life…

**And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him**

But as the sun began to rise, reality hit him like a speeding truck. _He_ wasn't right beside him. He was walking the streets alone. There was no arm around his shoulder, no face with cheeks rosy from the cold smiling down at him. The conversations they'd carry on weren't real- he'd been talking to himself.

**  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say there's a way for us  
**

Ryan knew that _he_ was completely blind to the love that he felt toward him. _He_ happily went about _his _days blissfully ignorant to the longing that was right behind _him. _But Ryan held tight to the hope that one day they'd definitely come together, that it was possibly meant to be.

**I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone  
The river's just a river  
Without him, the world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers  
**

He loved _him. _He loved _that person_ with all his heart. But when morning came, and he could no longer believe that _he _was beside him misery descended upon him once again. The pavement was cracked and old, the river dark and boring, no different than every other river in the world. There were no stars in the sky, and the trees were bare and dead. The moon was dull and gray- there was nothing spectacular about it at all. Without _him _beside him, Ryan felt as if all the beauty in the world had disappeared.

**I love him  
But every day I'm lonely  
All my life I've only been pretending**

The light of the morning sunrise illuminated the truth; Ryan was alone. These long they took together were just imagined, and _he _would never be walking along beside him and Ryan would stop for a moment and stare at the ground in disappointment.

**Without me, his world will go on turning  
The world is full of happiness that I have never known**

And Ryan knew that just like the echoing cry of the cicadas, or even the song that was in his head, his happiness that he had only imagined to escape the world that hated him so, would come to a bitter end. If he were to die, or if he were to disappear from this earth all together, _he _wouldn't even notice. He meant nothing to _him_.

**I love him  
I love him  
I love him...  
But only on my own...**

Ryan loved Troy Bolton more than anyone could possibly love a person, but he knew that it was a one-sided love that was only for him…

_**E/N: Did you like it? I hope you did! It's okay if you didn't… but please don't send me harsh flames! They make me want to cry. Flames are okay though, just not mean ones… Anyway… review please. ****Oh, I almost forgot! In case anyone was wondering, the song used is One My Own from the musical Les Miserables! It's my favorite Broadway musical! (I've seen it three times in English and once in French!) –Pucchi Lapin****♥**_

_**P.s. By the way… the first chapter is already written, but I want to see what people think of this first so it's super important to review if you'd like me to continue!!! –Pucchi Lapin****♥**_


	2. Chapitre Une: La Souffrance de Ryan

A/N Hi everyone! I'm sorry for taking so long to update but i was just so super busy! And it was the worst when I had planned on writing on the way home from NYC but of course I leave the laptop in our apartment (on 61st and Lexington, in case you wanted to know) So please forgive me for taking so long! Well, here's the first chapter of On My Own, I hope you like it!

Chapitre Une

_ 'Many years ago, I think i was only five, I was taking a walk through the park with my nanny. We were almost home when it began to snow. She turned to me and said, "I've heard it said that snow is a blanket of white. It covers over all that is ugly making the world beautiful." At that time, I didn't really understand what she meant, but now, I think I finally get it. You see, snow can cover over the scars of the earth, but that's all it does. For a moment, things may appear perfect, but in the end, the snow melts away and you can see, clearer than ever, the things that that have always been there.  
_

_ In a way, I believe my life is a bit like this. Once I take off my Dior aviators, the Cavalli jeans, the Burberry button-down and matching hat, take away the money and the cheerful smile, you can see the truth I've always known. The life people assume I have, one that is perfect and happy- it isn't like that... at all. _

_ I spend my days quietly suffering. No one knows Of course, it's not from one of the conventional forms of suffering. Poverty, famine, disease- none of these things affect me. No, I suffer in a way far worse than any of those things. If you're impoverished, you can get a job and work your way out of it. When a person is cursed with famine, they will do everything they possibly can to find food, and eventually they will. The pain of disease can be cured. Whether it be from medicine or death, a disease can be cured. But being in love with someone who doesn't love you back… that is a type of suffering that can't be fixed. You can't force yourself to stop loving someone, and you can't make a person love you back. _

_ Why did I have to fall in love with him? Why did it have to be a him at all? Why couldn't I just fall in love with a girl like a normal person? That's it isn't it? I'm not a normal person. I hate sports, my voice is unusually high, and I have a passion for singing, dancing and shopping- I am a failure as a man. Even worse, I have fallen hopelessly in love with Troy Bolton._

_ The way his sandy brown hair falls carelessly in front of his eyes, the way his smile seems as if it could light up even the darkest of rooms, the way his skin seems to shine in the afternoon sunlight as beads of sweat drip down his forehead after a game of basketball- I turn bright red just thinking of him. It's not only his looks though. Contrary to what some people may believe, he is actually a genuinely nice person. You know, the type who would climb a thirty foot tree just to get a little girls cat or gives his umbrella to a girl stuck without one in the middle of a rain storm. Troy Bolton- even his name is perfect. But it doesn't matter. _

_ There are no stars out tonight. The moon isn't shining either. You know, if I'm going to end my life, I'm honestly glad that it will end here. Ever since childhood, this has been my favorite place- beneath the oak tree in the park a few blocks down from my house. I believe this is the first time in my life that I am happy to be alone in this world. So please, don't feel bad for me, I'm sure no one will miss me; there will be no one to grieve for me. Come to think of it, I do believe no one will even notice I am gone…_

Ryan's hand shook violently as he brought it to his left pocket. He was almost afraid to stick his hand in. What should have took only a moment seemed to take an eternity. He pulled out a newly sharpened razor blade. Holding it in front of him, Ryan stared at it for a moment, and then lowered the blade to his wrist. Feeling the cold metal against his colorless skin, he shuddered and then dropped it on the grass in front of him. '_Now's your chance Ryan. You can get up and leave, and hope for a better future. Things don't have to end if you don't want them to.' _

_ 'No, I want to end it all now. It _has _to end now; it's best for everyone, especially me. I'd rather just end everything now than go on like this…' _Ryan snatched up the blade, and gripped it tight. Again, he found himself staring at it, and then, without hesitating a moment longer, he made a cut along his. Tears filled his eyes as he watched the warm red blood trickle out from his self-imposed wound. A second cut… a third… a fourth… A small puddle was forming beneath his arms. With each subsequent cut he went deeper into his flesh. A fifth…a sixth… a seventh… an eighth… he dropped the blade. He could cut no longer, he didn't have the strength.

Ryan leaded against the tree, staring up at the sky. There was nothing to see. He didn't feel pain anymore, only numbness. His eyes began to flutter. _'It'll be over soon…' _ And then, something white fell on his nose. Ryan smiled. "I think it may snow..." And with those departing words…. Ryan slumped over and everything was black…

٠٠٠♥٠٠٠

Ryan felt… warm, like he was wrapped in someone's arms. Is this what heaven felt like? He opened his eyes, excepting to see grassy fields that went on for miles; angels dressed in white robes and feathered wings protruding from their backs. What he saw was far from it. He was lying on a rather uncomfortable bed, an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. He felt a sharp pain in his wrists, and turned his head to find they were wrapped in thick gauze. The walls were painting a disgusting excuse for white (as was everything else…) and then Ryan realized where he was- a hospital. He was… alive…

Ryan turned to find someone sleeping in the chair beside his bed. He knew that face… he knew that hair… that body… "Troy?" He couldn't raise his voice past a whisper, but it seemed to be enough, the person sitting in the chair shot awake.

"Ryan? Ryan, are you awake?" Ryan nodded feebly.

Troy bolted out of the chair and ran to Ryan's side. "Ryan, I thought you were dead!"

_'So did I…"_

"Ryan," Troy panted. He seemed out of breath, "I thought you were dead! I was on my way home from a party, when I found you. You were covered in blood. And it was snowing… like a blizzard. How did you get like that, did someone do that to you?" Clearly Troy hadn't seen the razor blade… Ryan didn't answer. What was he supposed to say, "I'm sorry Troy, I tried to kill myself because I love you even though I know you can never love me back?"

"I'm just glad you're okay." A faint smile appeared on Ryan's face. _'He's glad I'm okay?!' _

"The hospital called your parents; the doctor said they'd be right over to bring you home. They said they couldn't keep you for more than twenty four hours." Ryan hadn't heard anything past over. _'My parents… coming to get me? Not Sharpay… Ryan. You did tell them I was Ryan right?' _Ryan had to fight back the urge to jump out of the lumpy bed and give Troy a hug. He saved his life (even if he didn't really want to be saved…) After years of believing Troy didn't even recognize his existence… here he was, sitting beside Ryan's hospital bed. Yes it took an attempted suicide to get to this point, but still! Ryan was overjoyed.

"Ryan, I'm sorry, but I better get going. Your parents will be here soon. Hopefully, I'll see you in school soon?" Ryan nodded. He didn't care how much pain he was in, he would definitely be back in school on Monday. Troy waved by and left.

_'I can't believe it… Troy brought me to the hospital, and then stayed with me until I woke up… it had to have been hours. Although I suppose he may just have been doing the right thing… but even so…' _Ryan had to force himself to stay awake, no matter how desperately he wanted to sleep; seeing his parents was much more important. He could sleep later.

"Ryan…" someone from outside the door called. Ryan sat straight up. They'd actually come! Or so he thought… "Ryan, your parents sent me to bring you home." A short and balding man, late in his years, came toddling into the room. He wore a suit that probably took half of a years pay to buy, and had a chauffeur's hat under his right arm. His shoes seriously needed a shining, but otherwise, he looked very professional .

_'Not my parents… the driver… Their son almost died… and they sent the driver. They could have lost their son forever, and they don't even care enough to come to the hospital…?'_

E/N Oh i hoped you liked it! I have to change my summary though because when i wrote it (the summary that is,) this chapter was _completely _different. It was too happy, so I changed the whole beginning of this fic! I'm sorry! So please review! I like reviews! Thanks to all my reviewers from the last chapter! _  
_


	3. Chapitre Deux: Une Nouveau Amitié

_A/N: Bonjour! Comment allez-vous? Oh, French sounds so darling, doesn't it? Anyway, welcome to Chaptire Deux. There really isn't much for me to say... so, let's begin, shall we?_

_A/N #2 To all those who read this chapter with my notes left in (things that said work on this, make it longer, etc.) I'm so sorry! I forgot to take them out before posting! Please don't be angry! _

Chapitre Deux

"Ryan…" someone from outside the door called. Ryan sat straight up. They'd actually come! Or so he thought… "Ryan, your parents sent me to bring you home." A short and balding man, late in his years, came toddling into the room. He wore a suit that probably took half of a years pay to buy, and had a chauffeur's hat under his right arm. His shoes seriously needed a shining, but otherwise, he looked very professional.

'_Not my parents… the driver… Their son almost died… and they sent the driver. They could have lost their son forever, and they don't even care enough to come to the hospital…?'_

"Ryan, I've brought you some clothes to change into. And I know that it is terrible to ask this of you at such as this, but I need you to hurry, if you can that is. You see, your parents were adamant that I pick them up on time in order to get them to the airport at _exactly_2:43, no matter what. They are leaving for Prague, you see."

_"Is he serious? Are they really leaving for Prague, after all that's happened? That's it; they're just packing up and leaving for the Czech Republic, not even taking a second to make sure I'm okay?" _ Ryan was on the verge of tears. His belief that his parents didn't give a damn about him had just been sufficiently confirmed. "Thank you Sébastien. I'll try my best to go as fast as I can." Full of reluctance, Ryan stepped out of the bed, and took the clothes from his driver. A gray sweater from Givenchy to go over a white button down, a pair of Ralph Lauren khakis and Prada drivers (black crocodile skin) - a very nice outfit to be sure, but Ryan could see his parent's intentions clearly. Dress him to his best; make it so no one knows what has happened.

He ushered to Sébastien to leave the room. The driver nodded and walked out, but not before saying, "Ryan, I am sorry." Ryan couldn't help but smile. Even in his old age, even with his health rapidly deteriorating, dear old Sébastien had never become bitter. He was a genuinely lovely person, one of the few who actually cared about Ryan's well-being.

٠٠٠♥٠٠٠

If one were to describe the Evan's mansion in a single phrase, it would most definitely be fairy-tale like. It could only be reached by driving up a cobblestone driveway that stretched about a half mile. This driveway was lined with white rosebushes that we perfectly groomed, even when they were not in bloom. At the very end, one would come to a three-tiered fountain that stood in front of stone steps. The house, which was pure, stood at four floors, not including the attic and basement- both of which were furnished.

This sight, however, had lost all of its magic, in Ryan's eyes, sometime ago. He couldn't count how many times he had pulled up in the back of the black Aston Martin. As was customary, Sébastien got out first, and then opened Ryan's door. He had insisted for years that he was able to get out of the car on his own, but Sébastien always refused, saying that it would be improper and in bad taste. Sébastien walked ahead, as per usual, so he could open the oak front doors for him. Ryan sighed. _"How much longer will he be able to do this?_"

If someone where to say the outside was grand, then they would be at a complete loss for words after entering. The floors were black and white marble. They were polished each evening by the army of servants the Evans employed. Hanging from the ceiling was a crystal chandelier- 316 pieces of Swarovski crystal. But the real beauty was the grand staircase, at the top of which stood Ryan's parents, deep in conversation. They went silent when they saw Ryan come through the door.

"Oh," his father spoke, "your home."

"Hello father, mother."

"Your doing well then, I suppose?" his mother asked.

"I suppose." They spoke to each other like they had only met a few moments prior.

"I guess we'll be leaving then," his father said. "Sébastien, take the suitcases and load them into the car."

"_Do it yourself! He's double your age, and you honestly expect him to carry your armada of luggage?" _Ryan had always hated the way his parents treated the servants. They weren't slaves, but they might as well be. They were paid close to nothing, and their living conditions, although not at all bad, were not at all desirable. Ryan had made a point of never asking for their assistance unless he absolutely needed it- if he could do it himself, he had no reason to make them do it, and plus, if he didn't, hopefully they'd get a moments rest in between his parents constant orders.

His father made his way down the steps, his mother following closely behind. "Well are you just going to stand there?" his father asked. Ryan didn't answer; he was too deep in thought. His train of thought was disrupted, however, after being slapped across the face with the back of his father's hand. "Next time, you won't stand in front of the door like some brain-dead retard. **Now move!**" Ryan stepped aside, and his father walked out the door without another word. His mother, however, stood still for a moment. Her mouth opened for a moment, but then closed shortly after. For a moment, she made eye contact with her son, but then shifted her hazel eyes to the ground. She followed her husband out the door. Ryan kept his composure through the entire ordeal. He refused to allow himself to cry, not on his father's account. He refused to allow him the satisfaction of knowing that he had hurt him.

The house was uncommonly empty. As Ryan made his way up two floors, he noticed that there was not one maid to be seen scurrying about with their usual chores._ "It must be that time again." _That time being one the rare days of the year that the house staff got a day off to do whatever they felt like. This privilege was also awarded to the grounds staff, on a different day though. This, along with the two week vacation every servant was given (all though it was unspoken agreement that this vacation was taken during a period when the heads of the house, that is, Mr. and Mrs. Evans, were away), was the only time that they got off during the year. At all other times, they were excepted to work for however long it took to finish the work that needed to be done.

Ryan's bedchambers weren't much, compared to his parents' or Sharpay's any way. There was a bedroom, used solely for sleeping, a bathroom, used solely for bathing, and a sitting room, used for studying and such. These rooms were dreadfully devoid of the luxuries found in the rest of the house. They weren't lavishly decorated- no velvet curtains or four-poster mahogany beds. The furniture was plain and inexpensive. Ryan would have it no other way.

However, when Ryan entered his bedroom, he was greeted with something he was not at all accustomed to…

"Ryan!" Sharpay screamed, running towards him. She ran towards him and hugged him like she hadn't seen each other in a hundred years. Ryan was stunned and stood there with his hands at his sides, unsure as to what to do. After realizing Sharpay wasn't letting go anytime soon, he, with a bit of hesitance, hugged her back.

"What happened?"

"I don't remember…"

"That's bullshit Ryan!" Sharpay rolled up her brothers sleeves. "Troy called and said he found you under a tree, covered in blood. He said you must have been mugged or something but I'm not stupid Ryan, muggers don't slit their victim's wrists!"

"Sharpay…"

"Tell me why!"

"Tell you why what?"

"Tell me why you tried to kill yourself! Troy may have been too stupid to notice and the doctors may have believed what Troy told them about you being attacked, but not me. I know exactly what happened. Why else do you think I would have found this under that tree?" She held up the razor blade. There were some stains of dry blood on it. It was definitely the one he had used the previous night. "I'm sorry Ryan…" Ryan didn't answer; for the moment, he wouldn't even look at her. "I went to find this after Troy called. I knew you probably wouldn't want people to know."

"Thanks…"

"Ryan, please, tell me why." He told her everything. He told her about their parents, something Sharpay had always known but never acknowledged; he told her about how his insecurities, he even told her about Troy.

"Oh…" was all Sharpay could say.

"Yeah."

"Ryan, you have to realize that no matter what you may think, there are people who care about you. There's the Kelsi, and Sébastien, and so many others, even Troy. And me… especially me. There's only been two minutes in our entire lives where we didn't have each other. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here…" Ryan could tell there was so much more Sharpay wanted to say, but he ended it by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her as close to him as he possibly could.

"I'm not going anywhere Sharpay, not anymore."

٠٠٠♥٠٠٠

Despite Sharpay's endless pleading for him to remain home to rest, Ryan had no intention of missing school the following Monday. After Troy had told him that he hoped to see him in school soon, there was no way in hell that he was going to stay home.

It took many hours of careful planning. He wanted to look perfect for Troy. He spent hours going through his closet, creating a mountain of rejected outfit choices on his floor. In the end, it was decided that he'd wear a pair of Lacroix skinny Frédéric s he bought in Paris a year ago, a black and white long-sleeved shirt from Yves Saint Laurent with sleeves that went to his knuckles, black alligator loafers he bought at Bergdorf's last time he was in New York, a white scarf from Hermés and a black velvet newsboy hat from Prada. This outfit did everything it was intended to do. It made him look fantastic, it was somewhat plain-colored so he wouldn't be noticed by _certain people_, and most importantly, it covered his wrist. No one besides Sharpay and Troy knew about that and he intended to keep it that way.

"Ryan, come on, we're going to be late!" Sharpay yelled from down the hall.

"Okay! I'll meet you in the car!" Driving to and from school was one of the only times where Sébastien did not drive. He said that it wasn't proper for two teenagers to arrive in that manner when going to a school where the majority of students couldn't even afford the car (the black Aston Martin), let alone someone to drive it. So, they drove to school in Sharpay's pink, convertible Porsche. Ryan wouldn't exactly call this "proper" either, but there was no point in arguing. Sébastien was Sébastien and there was no way you could possibly talk an eighty-five year old man who had worked for the Evans for close to thirty years out of anything when it came to what was "proper". He could hear Sharpay impatiently honking the horn for him to move faster. Ryan grabbed his messenger bag and left.

٠٠٠♥٠٠٠

The room would have been completely empty if it hadn't been for Ryan. He was sitting in his desk starring out the window. He always arrived early to homeroom. There was something comforting about the peaceful silence of the classroom before anyone else entered.

"Hey Ryan!" Ryan jumped. He was startled by the sudden break of silence, but was rather happy about who was the one who broke it. There was Troy, not followed by any of his basketball friends, talking to him!

"Hi Troy, what's up?"

"Nothing much, I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Thanks. I'm doing great actually, no pain at all!" He was lying. Even after three days his wrists still stung, but somehow, being alone with Troy made the pain disappear for a moment.

"I'm glad." Troy smiled. "Hey Ryan, I was wondering. Maybe you'd like to go somewhere with me this weekend. You know, just to have a little fun." Ryan was both shocked and ecstatic. Troy had just asked him out! Sure, he probably meant it in a friend-way but still! It was a start!

"Sure!" Ryan sounded a little too excited. "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. I'll call you later?"

"Sure!" Ryan was… Ryan was… happy, for lack of a better word. It didn't even matter if they ended up watching reruns of Law adn Order, he was just glad to be getting to spend some time alone with Troy (even if it was just as friends.) This feeling was not shared by Chad, who had been standing in the doorway and heard the whole conversation in its entirety.

_E/N: Did you like this chapter? I hope you did because I worked super hard on it! Just really quick, I want to dedicate this chapter to someone. This chapter is dedicated to Frédéric Rousseau (whom the character of Sébastien_ is based off of.) He was our family's driver for... well since before I was born, and he passed away about a year ago. _Frédéric , we miss you! So review please! Reviews make me write faster!  
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	4. Chapitre Trois: Bonheur et Colère

_A/N Hello! First let me say that I am terribly sorry for taking so long to update. I was ridiculously busy with school, friends, more school, my boy friend, even more school, and the fact that I was unbearably every other week. I had no time! On the bright side, this is the longest chapter so far so that's good right? Well... I guess that's all I have to say, so, on with Chapter 3!_

::Chapitre Trois::

Troy Bolton's room was decorated to go along with a very specific color scheme, those colors, of course, being red and white. The comforter was solid red, and had matching vertical stripped, red and white sheets to go with it. His pillowcases were the plain white, just like the walls, which were poster-covered. The effect was rather tacky, but he was obsessed, and everyone can be excused one obsession in their life, can they not? Troy, however, was not concerned with his bedroom's appearance, or basketball, or anything of that sort at the moment. His mind was focused on a certain blonde boy.

_"I asked him out!" _Troy was smiling like a stupid clown. _"Even if he thinks it's just as friends… I still asked him so it counts for something!" _He honestly felt like skipping around the house. Being in love makes you do weird things like that. That is correct; Troy was in love with the drama king, Ryan Evans. No one knew he was gay of course. It wasn't because he was afraid to come out or anything like that, he had always found being afraid of doing something like that rather… stupid. He just never found a reason as to why he should tell anyone, but if someone were to ask, he would answer, "Yes," without any hesitation.

For the last twelve minutes he had established a routine of dialing Ryan's cell number, pressing send, and then hanging up before it rang more than once. He wanted to call Ryan and talk about what they were going to do this coming weekend, but feared he may seem too eager. He didn't want to scare Ryan… and, after all, it was only Monday. He knew it was best to wait until Friday, unless Ryan was to ask first.

٠٠٠♥٠٠٠

Drama practice was terrible, as usual. It wasn't terrible in the sense that Ryan didn't like doing it. It was just that, when all he wanted to do was rest, Sharpay would yell "Let's do it over! It isn't perfect yet!" and when he thought it was finally over, and he got to sit for a moment, Sharpay would have him up on his feet again. This would go until five in the evening, when Miss Darbus would finally come and say they had to go home because the school was closing. And when they got home, it was straight to the dance room, to practice again, and again, and again, and then some more after that. She accepted nothing less than perfection and didn't stop until perfection was reached.

So here was Ryan, walking to his locker, feeling like he would collapse at any moment, going to fetch his homework that he forgot. How could he possibly remember it? Not after what had happened earlier this morning. Remembering Troy asking him out made him want to smile.

He fiddled with his lock. _"14…5…19…8…" _He tugged at it. The lock refused to open for him, no matter how many times he'd put in the damn code._ "Turn it to the left to 14, twice to the right, 4, twice left, 19, and then right once again to 8." _He heard a click and the lock fell to the floor.

_"Oh well… at least it's unlocked…" _Ryan bent down to pick up the black and silver pad lock when he felt something grab his collar. "Sharpay, I said I'd be right there!" The person grabbing his collar pulled him up, turned him around, and pushed him against the lockers. This wasn't Sharpay.

"Hey fag. Why were you talking to Troy?" Chad spat.

"Why do you care?" Ryan asked, obviously annoyed."

"Just answer you stupid queer."

"We were just talking. That is what civilized people do. They talk."

"Well don't talk to him."

"Why? I can talk to whom ever I please."

"We don't need your gayness rubbing off on our captain."

"Being gay isn't a cold. It doesn't rub off on people. Maybe if you paid attention in health you'd know that!"

"Well then let me put it this way, you talk to him again, and I will make sure you can never talk again." Chad's face was dangerously close to Ryan's.

"Is that a threat, Danforth?"

"Yes, it is." Chad, quite literally, spat in Ryan's face, and then pushed him to the ground. After giving him one more cold glance, Chad walked away, satisfied that he had made his point.

_"Great." _Ryan thought. _"Now I'm going to get herpes or something…" _Ryan wiped the disgusting liquid his face and pushed himself to his feet. He felt a sharp pain in his head. _"Must have hit my head on lockers when he pushed me…" _ Ryan returned to rummaging through his locker in search of his lost homework. "Here it is!" Ryan yelled, even though there was absolutely no one to listen. He slipped his lock back through the lock-hole and then made his way to the parking lot.

٠٠٠♥٠٠٠

And so the week drug on. Tuesday was uneventful, Wednesday was just like Tuesday, and Thursday was just so completely boring that it was really pathetic. Troy and Ryan had virtually no contact, all thanks to Chad. He made a point of keeping a distance of at least fifty feet between the two boys. Obviously, Ryan was upset about this, but Troy; he remained completely clueless as to the situation.

But alas, Friday did come. Classes ended, and the halls of East High emptied. The students returned home, to prepare for whatever they may be doing this evening. And Troy- he flopped down on his bed and took out his cell. This time, he'd be calling Ryan for real. There would be no hanging up after it rang once; he was actually going to let it go until Ryan picked up.

Troy dialed the number Ryan had given him, and pressed send. It rang once… twice… thrice… _"He's not going to pick up…" _Troy was about to hit the end button when he heard a familiar voice.

"Hello?" It wasn't Ryan, it was his twin sister.

"Um…" Troy hesitated for a moment. "This is Ryan's phone, isn't it?"

"May I ask whose calling?"

"Troy. Ryan told me this was his number. Did he give me yours by mistake?"

Sharpay giggled. "Oh, no, this is Ryan's, he's just busy practicing at the moment, and I heard it ring so I picked it up."

"Oh, should I call back later?"

"No, that won't be necessary, he can talk now." Troy heard her scream her brother's name. Clearly, she expected him to come to her, and not the other way around.

"Hello?" The blonde dancer sounded out of breath.

_"Ah…" _Troy thought, "_There's the voice I was waiting for…"_ "Hey Ryan, it's Troy."

"Oh, hey. What's up?"

"Are we still going out tomorrow?"

"Yeah, what did you plan on doing?"

"I don't know. Is there anything you wanna do?"

"Nothing in particular."

"Do you wanna go out to eat somewhere, maybe see a movie?" _"God… how cliché am I?"_

"Sure."

"Okay, I'll pick you up around twelve."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

"Bye." Troy laid down on his bed, took a good minute to stare at the ceiling, and sighed.

٠٠٠♥٠٠٠

Pulling up the Evans driveway, and taking a good look at their house made Troy realized just how different Ryan in him were in terms of money and social class. Ryan had everything he didn't, and even if there _was_something Troy had that Ryan didn't, Ryan had the money to go get it. _"Well, actually he'd probably send one of the maids to get it…" _ Troy chucked at his little joke.

With each step he took closer to the front door, Troy's heart beat got a bit faster. This would be the first time he spent more than a few minutes with Ryan. Hell, this was the first time he'd be alone with the boy he'd dreamed about for months. He took a deep breath, and rung the door bell. The door opened immediately, revealing a person who was neither Ryan or his sister… or either of his parents. This man was tall and muscular with light brown hair cut rather short, but also somewhat elderly looking.

"And who," the man spoke with a thick German accent, "may I ask, are you?" He spoke with a tone that seemed, to Troy, like one of superiority; like Troy wasn't good enough to be here.

"Troy Bolton," he answered with some arrogance. "And who may I ask, are you?"

"I am Dierk, the butler." He answered with the same sort of arrogance as the teenage boy who stood in front of him.

_"Great, the butler thinks he's better than me. In Ryan's world… even the help are better than 'the common people'"_

"Why is it that you are here… selling Girl Scout cookies perhaps?"

"I'm here to…" Troy stopped mid-sentence when he saw Ryan atop the stairs, pulling on a black peacoat. His outfit, which made him look even more gorgeous than usual, was most certainly designer, but Troy had know way of telling which ones. He suddenly felt as inferior as the butler saw him; wearing a pair of jeans from Hollister and a navy blue polo that he wore under a hoodie he bought at Abercrombie. His sneakers were old and cheap compared to Ryan's spotless ones that must have cost more than Troy had in his entire bank account.

"Hey Troy."

"Oh," the German butler spoke again, "you know this boy?"

"Yes, we're going out."

Troy turned red. _"He said we're going out!"_ "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." Ryan ran down the stairs and out the door to where Troy stood. They began to walk to the car when Ryan stopped for a moment, and turned around to say something to the butler who was still watching the two boys leave. "Dierk, if you don't mind, could you tell Dania not to clean my room, that I'll do it myself?"

"Of course."

Troy and Ryan once again began walking toward the car, and once again, Ryan stopped to say something. "Oh and Dierk, why don't you take the day off?"

"That… That would be nice." Dierk answered; almost stunned by the words he had never thought he'd here before. As the two boys got into Troy's beat-up truck and drove away, the German smiled- something he hadn't done in ages.

٠٠٠♥٠٠٠

Troy looked over at the blonde who was visibly uncomfortable on the cloth seats. Right now, his only wish was for a car with the upper leather interior Ryan was used to. "So what do you wanna do first, eat or see a movie?" Troy asked.

"Your choice, it doesn't make a difference to me." Ryan answered.

"Movies then, what do you wanna see?"

"Doesn't matter, whatever you would like to see, I suppose."

"I wanna see Sweeny Todd." _"That way, it suits his liking for musicals and my liking for gore…And if he gets scared, I'll be right there to comfort him."_

"No."

"No, what?"

"I'm sorry; I don't want to see Sweeny Todd."

"Why? You like musicals don't you?"

"Yeah… I do… It's just that…" The blonde boy said awkwardly "I'm sort of afraid of blood. Even just seeing on TV makes me sick."

"Oh, well, is there anything you'd like to see…"

"Yeah…"

"Well, what is it then?"

"Don't laugh, promise?"

"Promise."

"I want to see the new VeggieTales movie. The Pirate Who Don't Do Anything, I think it's called."

Troy burst out in laughter.

"You promised you wouldn't laugh!"

"No, it's not that I think that's stupid or anything, it's just that I thought I was the only one who liked VeggieTales."

"Really?"

"Yeah. VeggieTales is awesome!"

Just seeing Troy's stupid smile made Ryan burst out laughing just as hard, if not harder, than Troy had a moment ago.

"So The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie it is then?" asked Troy.

"VeggieTales it is!"

Ryan and Troy felt incredibly awkward, being the only teenage males in a theater filled with moms and hordes of children sitting in booster seats and crying babies that had to be taken out periodically to be changed. Even still, they laughed harder, ate more popcorn, and enjoyed the movie much more than every child in the theater. There was one moment, one that neither boy would ever forget, where Troy's hand found its way on top of Ryan's. Just for a moment, Troy laced his fingers into Ryan's.

Following the movie, Troy took Ryan to a local diner. Troy knew it was probably nothing compared to what Ryan was used to, but it was the best he could afford with his allowance and part-time job.

"So, how are you feeling, your wrists I mean," Troy asked, trying to create a conversation. The silence between them was bothering him.

"I'm fine. It doesn't really even hurt anymore."

"That's good, I guess. Did you ever figure out who did it?"

"Um… no… I never did…" Ryan answered awkwardly. He hated lying to Troy about what had happened, but he couldn't bring himself to tell the boy he was in love with that he tried to commit suicide because his love wasn't returned.

"Oh."

"Yeah…" And another prolonged silence followed.

The silence was broken when a woman, probably in her late fifties, walked over with a pad of paper and a pen in her hands. She was average height, around 5' 5", and had curly bottle-blonde hair up in a messy bun. She had a look on her face of wanting to be anywhere else but here.

"'Ello, my name is Bertha and I'll be your server for this evening. May I get you anything to drink." She asked. Ryan could see the gum she was chewing.

"I'll have a coke," answered Troy.

"Okay, and you?" she asked, turning towards Ryan.

"May I have a glass of water with no ice and a lemon, please?"

"Anymore specifics?" she asked with a hint of sarcasm. Ryan turned a shade of pale red and stared down at the floor. "Well, I'll be back in a minute with your drinks and then I'll take your orders, okay" Without waiting for a thank you from either of the boys, she walked away with no intention of bringing the drinks right away- she'd bring the drinks when she felt like it.

After waiting to make sure the bitchy waitress was out of sight, Troy said, "I'm sorry."

Ryan picked his head up. "For what?"

"For how rude the waitress was to you. It's not usually like that here."

"It's fine, it's just that… that's what I order everywhere I go, and no one says anything, so I just assumed they'd do it here too."

"Yeah, I can't afford the places you're used to," Troy answered half jokingly, half seriously."

"Oh, know, I didn't mean it that way. It doesn't matter to me where were we went, I'm just glad to be here."

"Really?"

"Yeah…"

"You know, Ryan…"_"Knows my chance, I'll tell him about my feelings!" _ "I've…" but just as he was about to speak, the waitress, the same look of discontent for her life on her face, returned. She placed; well more like threw their drinks in front of them, took her pencil out from behind her ear, and said, "So what can I get for you?"

"I'll have a plain burger," said Troy.

"You want lettuce, tomato, or onion with that?" asked the waitress.

"I'll have the tomato and onion, no lettuce."

"Another picky one I see…" she mumbled under her breath. "And what about you, what do you want?"

"Oh, I'll have a garden salad," answered Ryan.

"Would you like any dressing with that?"

"No, but may I have some olive oil?"

"Sorry, but we don't have any of that, but would you like me to go and get you some at the super market." She answered with sarcasm; as if his request was completely unreasonable.

"Oh, well, then no thank you. I'll just have it dry…"

"Okay. So that's a cheese burger, tomato and onion, no lettuce, and a dry garden salad?" she asked. Troy nodded.

"Your meals will be out shortly."

The waitress began walking away when Troy called her back over, "Excuse me."

"What?" she asked.

"Do you think you could try being a bit nicer to my friend? Being rude is no way to get good tips." The waitress stared at him in shock for a moment and then walked away, obviously angry.

"You didn't have to do that…" Ryan said.

"Oh, it was fine. She was being a bitch unnecessarily. She deserved it."

"Thank you… So what were you going to say before she came over?" Ryan asked.

"Oh… um… I forget…" Troy had completely lost his confidence.

"Oh…"

"So how are you're parents? I haven't seen them since last summer."

"Oh, they're fine, I suppose. They went to Prague."

"Cool! I've never even left the country. When are they coming back?"

"I have no idea?"

"Really? Don't they tell you?"

"No… never… They do stuff like this all the time. They'll just tell Sharpay and I that they're going off to some country. Sometimes they'll come back in a few days, sometimes they'll stay a month. They stay until they get bored with the country."

"That's… that's… terrible… They're your parents. Shouldn't they be home, taking care of you and Sharpay?"

"No, it's life. They've been doing this since we were little. Our care was left in the hands of the army of nannies our parents hired."

"That's horrible."

"It's okay, neither of them are very… parental. My mother is wrapped up in her own little world, completely oblivious to all her surroundings. And my father… well… I don't want to talk about him… Let's just say, our relationship isn't a good one…"

"Did something happen between you?"

"I don't want to talk about it…"

"Is it because you're gay?"

"I don't want to talk about it! Would you stop asking?! It's not any of your business!" Troy was in shock, never before had he heard Ryan Evans yell… and at him no less. Troy didn't say anything in return.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have yelled."

"No it was my fault, I shouldn't pry into you're life." Another extended silence followed.

"So what's up with you?" Ryan asked.

"Nothing, nothing interesting. Just school and basketball, you know stuff like that."

"That's cool."

Following that, their food was brought over by a different waitress than before. This one was young, around the same age as the two boys, and had straight brown hair that extended to the middle of her back. She wore the same uniform as the other, but it looked much more flattering when worn by a girl who was forty years younger. She came over with the hope of flirting with Troy, hopefully getting his number, but, frankly, Troy hadn't even noticed her walk to their table, put their food on the table, and walk away. Troy and Ryan ate their lunches, while conversing about a variety of topics, some serious, some completely pointless. Troy had just told a joke that made Ryan spit out a bit of lettuce from laughing when Troy's phone began to ring.

"Hey," Troy said to whoever was on the other line.

"Yo,"

"Oh hey Chad, what's up?"

"Nothing much. Wanna hang out or something?"

"Sorry, can't I'm busy."

"Whatcha doing?"

"Hanging out with Ryan."

"Ryan… Ryan Evans? Dude, are you serious?"

"Yeah, he's cool. I like him."

"Whatever, just don't let the queer get too close." Chad was obviously upset, but Troy hadn't heard a word his best friend said; he was too busy staring at the blonde boy across from him, watching him eat.

Troy chuckled, "Ryan, you have a piece of lettuce on you lip." Ryan quickly reached for his napkin to wipe it off. Troy chuckled again at Ryan's adorable embarrassment.

"Yo, dude, you there?" asked Chad, who was not taking being ignored lightly.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," answered.

"I'll talk to you later. Go have fun with the fag," said Chad. Troy hung up, without even a goodbye.

Chad threw his phone at the wall like it was a baseball. Realizing what he had just done, he ran over to where his phone now lay and saw the glass cracked beyond repair. Seeing his phone in this state only made him throw it again, this time at the opposite wall. The black razor broke in two.

He wanted to scream until his voice was lost, and didn't understand why. Troy hung out with other people all the time, and never once did Chad even spend a moment caring. But there was something about being rejected for Ryan; it made anger boil up inside him, and at the same time, it made him want to burst out in tears.

…And Ryan. He had told Ryan to stay away from Troy. Did little fag actually think Chad was kidding when he had told him "I will make sure you will never talk again?" He was going to show that dirty queer that he never backed out on a promise. Ryan would never talk to Troy again, he'd make sure of it.

_E/N So how did you like this chapter? I hope it was good!!! The last three paragraphs were horrid! I promise the next chapter won't be such a long wait. Well... Review!!!! Nice long ones are the best!_


	5. Je suis très désolé tout le monde!

…Oh dear, I feel absolutely terrible for doing this… especially after not posting for so long…

Well, I suppose I should begin with saying, no this is not a new chapter, nor will there be any new chapters (at least anytime soon…) Its not that I've given up fanfic or anything like that, because I really haven't! It's just that, I honestly cannot write this story anymore for a couple reasons.

The first one is really more of a bad excuse... It's just that, rather quickly, my life got extremely busy, and extremely _complicated. _I'm rarely home anymore, and when I am, well, let's just say being on the computer is the last thing on my mind. (…and I'm talk about **sleep **not **sex**) So yeah… it really shouldn't count as a reason, but oh well.

Second, you see, when I began this story I was going a really deep depression. (Like, I'm not even joking!) And, honestly, I'm not depressed anymore, at all. So, even though I really loved this story, like a lot, I can't put real emotion into it anymore. I didn't feel right for me to write this story half-assed, so I don't think I will.

That being said, if you'd all like, I will post one final thing (but only if you guys want!) It won't really be a story, not exactly, but I'll post something (with a good amount of detail probably) to explain how I planned this story to end. (Mind you, the story was going to get even more complicated and in-depth so I feel even worse about this.)

So, once again… sorry everyone! So much sorry! Also, sorry to anyone who's reading this for the first then ends up here…I really do love you all!

-Max


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